i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
