Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize