Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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