I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
