PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
