32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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