I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
