That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
