at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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