We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
