i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
