the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come on in and take your pants off
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