I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
