talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
