I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He told me they were just razor bumps!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I want a musical about memes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
