I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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