I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
