Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
