Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
