I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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