Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
