my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
