I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
