i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
