SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
