She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
