you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she smelled like a LAN party
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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