I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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