Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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