Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
