hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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