We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
