Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I AM VODKA MAN
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
