Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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