four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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