Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Life is so much better after having sex.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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