last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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