Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
