i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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