You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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