You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
