Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
