Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
