; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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