You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
