Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
