Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
