I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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