Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
