dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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